The Hells We Create in the Name of Beauty

1/27/2013

The things we go through to look “good.”

I was watching some videos made by some very beautiful and smart people that had a lot of info to share…….but I was distracted by all the bells and whistles.  I thought to myself, wow, this poor woman thinks she needs to spend hours in the mirror trying to make herself look good before she can turn on the video camera!!!  I felt sorry for her…in a way….

I was pondering that question the other night remembering how many hours I used to waste in the mirror, putting on make up, trying to get my hair and make up just so and the hours I would spend in my closet trying to find the “perfect” outfit for the day, the hours and hours at the gym….

I remembered when I felt that way.  Let me tell you, I could ruin my whole day and of those around me by having a hair out of place, or an eyelash clumped.  I seriously let it dictate the mood of my entire day!

Perhaps it could have been something to do with how I grew up always having to look good…..modeling, acting, etc……yet, anyone can see in my photos, I was obviously miserable inside despite my shiny appearance.

I was lifeless inside and constantly judging myself based on Photoshopped magazine stick figures….and fell for the programming that if I wasn’t just like them, I would never be good enough.

I starved myself for years, I vomited most of what I ate for fear of one more ounce creeping up on my thighs.

I was 106 pounds, at 6 feet tall and really believed that I would be perfect if I had a nose job and liposuction!!!  106 pounds and a size 2 on a 6 foot tall woman is like looking at a concentration camp detainee!!!

I wouldn’t even consider showing my skin, wear bathing suits at the beach, etc, because I was convinced that the others at the beach would not be able to tell me from a beached whale and might try to harpoon me.

The sad part of that is I was “beautiful” all along…..physically anyway.  However my emotional state would not allow me to see it.

Rather than spending my time enriching my life with books, education, companionship, Mother Nature, I was locked in a prison of plastic.  Oh how I longed to be plastic!!!  (“it’s so fantastic!” according to the pop stars.) Metaphorically speaking, of course. 

As I pondered what these women must be going through, it was easy for me to see where they were coming from in the whole “not good enough” programming.  It made me cry.

I wish I could be able to reach out and hug these people and let them know they are ALREADY perfect exactly how they are!

No amount of starving yourself, taking diet pills or vomiting up your meals will replace what is missing inside with something on the outside.

It took me many years to get over that aspect of my self hate and judgement, but after this simple realization it made it much easier for me…I asked myself, imagine where I would be if I had spent all those hours worrying about what’s on the inside, rather than the outside to appease societies expectations…?

Ladies (and gentlemen) we need to STOP judging ourselves, STOP judging others based on how they look and start loving ourselves and one another!

Life isn’t about looking good it’s about feeling good. Because when you feel good you look good naturally, without having to go through the trouble of not feeling good just to try to look good.

Aren’t all flowers beautiful?  All trees, all animals???  We know they are all perfect as they are, and they certainly aren’t going around self hating and criticizing others….what they heck are we doing?  And how is it really serving us?

We need to be mindful of the programming and take an honest assessment at how much of our lives have been dictated my how we think we look, or think we need to look!

There Is Hope!  We are better than this!  Most people would agree that they would not judge another based on their looks, so why do we do it to ourselves…?

I mean it’s one thing to enjoy dressing up when you choose, playing with make up and girly stuff, but if we rely on it for our self worth, there really isn’t much of a self…

Take our power back and learn to love yourself as you love one another…..
We can choose our programming!

Choose LOVE! <3 <3 <3

Christie Aphrodite

#selflovehealsall