What happens if you don’t maintain your car with oil changes and other required recommended maintenance…? It breaks and you end up with much larger unforeseen and expensive repairs.
What if you neglect the care and duty to your home? It can rot away, house bugs, uninvited guests and become filthy.
How about if you neglect the maintenance of your garden, yard or animals? They get overrun with weeds and other unsightlies, disease, predators and parasites.
Yet for some reason people on fakebook believe that not maintaining our relationships is supposed to be overlooked. I see the memes that say, “no friendship decay,” posted mostly by people who have let friendships decay…..and I ask….how do you expect anything to flourish when you ignore it? Do you flourish when you are ignored, neglected, abandoned??? And why would you expect a human being to sit around waiting for you to pretend they aren’t just an option? How long should they wait?
Don’t get me wrong, I am just as guilty as the next guy or gal, but this has to be talked about for people who desire healthy relationships. I’m one of them. And upon reflecting the dynamics of relationships I have allowed in my life, I can guarantee you that the ones I was neglected in, it was not a healthy outcome for either of us.
Anyone who’s been neglected and has healed knows that being left aside for all the “more important things” does not facilitate healthy feelings on the part of the one left behind! And the memes promoting gaslighting trying to convince you that it’s okay to be ignored and left behind for something perceivably better and more important than you are completely unhealthy.
Let it be stated that There is absolutely nothing wrong with moving on from any decaying relationship where you are treated as an option…Where you were not nurtured in a way you deserve, or was not given back to in a way you needed and deserved. In fact, it’s your duty to yourself…if you have any self respect left.
How many times should someone call or text you before they decide to give up due to non response? Yeah, I get it, life goes on, people move, change, lose phone numbers, break phones, etc….but in todays age of social media where almost everyone is accessible to all, there is not one single good excuse to leave someone hanging…..especially if you consider them a friend. And consider this….your friends don’t have time for YOU, but they have time to post on social media all day while still ignoring the text that came in on that very same device they are using to post all day??? To strangers???? lol
If you wanna be a door mat and just be there for when the cool crowd is all out of cool things to do, so be it, but decay is not something that should be glossed over and ignored. You are being neglected for a very real reason. Whether your crowd is mad at you for not agreeing with some random stranger online, or they think you aren’t cool enough, or they don’t like something about you……whatever it is, don’t ignore the fact that you are being ignored!!! And if they really were your friend, family, whoever, whatever…they would express to you why they are taking a break from you or why they missed all your emails, texts, phone calls and declined all your invites. Everyone has a moment to say, hey, life has really got me down right now and I can’t talk……………or something like that. I know I’ve said that plenty…lol You do not owe it to anyone, or yourself to sit around waiting for someone to remember you, your needs and the fact you are human. I’m not suggesting keeping score, but the truth is ALL healthy relationships are give and take….yet we are somehow supposed to accept that one sided relationships are healthy and that we are good people for sitting around pining away for those who look at us as an afterthought?
Yes, life is hard, yes we all get busy and sometimes can barely maintain our own household and all the things that can come at us….I am not suggesting in any way to break ties with someone who ignored you once as so often with technology problems, once could be a legit oversight….but if you are still waiting a year later……do the healthy thing and realize that they don’t care about you in the way you care about them. Treat your friends like your clothes closet….if you haven’t worn it in a year, throw it out!!! You think that sounds harsh??? Well how did it feel waiting that year, or 3 or 5 for someone to remember what you are to them???
If you want loving relationships with people who think you are worth it, you MUST move on. Afterall, if you hang on to subpar relationships, there is no room for the healthy ones you truly desire. Why would God give you something that you don’t want??? When you hang on to subpar, you are telling God, the Universe, your higher self that that is good enough and he won’t interfere!!!
Stop letting fakebook memes guilt you into hurting yourself for choosing to walk away from those who don’t feel you are special enough to maintain on a regular basis. What that looks like to everyone is obviously individual…does it require you call every week? Absolutely not…but it does require a response within a certain amount of time…..whether it be a year, 6 months or whatever you decide is healthy for you. Hint, if you are feeling the frustration of knowing that you are being ignored, then that is the time required to know it’s time to move on. Real humans can feel when things are off and that you aren’t being treated equally.
I personally will give two calls or texts and if I don’t hear back, I won’t call or text back. If I don’t hear from them in a year, they get deleted off my fakebook page. That is what works for me. I’m not telling you how to do it for you….but I am encouraging you to allow yourself to move on from those who consider you an option and not a priority!
Make yourself a priority or no one else will! And whatever you do, STOP being there for people who have not been there for you! There is nothing wrong with wanting REAL relationships and doing what it takes to make it happen. Sitting around waiting forever is NOT one of those things any healthy person should be doing, under any circumstance. Ask me how I know.
Blessings and Love to You and Yours!